Ola!

O meu nome é Harley
...e sou de os Estados Unidos. Sou da New Jersey, em uma cidade perto da praia. O meu emprego é atirar machadinhas. Meus avôs são Português e viajaram a os Estados Unidos circa da 1975. Por causa do Coronavirus, eu não posso vê-los. Eu quero aprender portugues e visito Aveiro cuando é possível.

A Goal is a Dream with a Deadline

Although the world is a bit uncertain for deadlines at the moment, I want to outline what it is I want to accomplish through this experience, when I'd like to do it by, and why.

GOAL #1: Practice Everyday

This one seems pretty silly even as I'm typing it but honestly this might be the most difficult part for me. As previously mentioned, I'm pretty flaky and one of my life goals it become a more consistent and reliable person. I have this habit of seeing the "Emerald City" goal I want to accomplish, starting along the yellow brick road, cutting across the poppy field, and waking up six months later feeling confused and defeated. I'm going to be kind to myself and not limit it to one resource or say I need to use all of them everyday because at the moment I am using two different language apps, one reading app, and I have a few native pen pals on Reddit. So my small, achievable, and honestly most daunting goal, is simply practicing in some way everyday. I'd like to make at least one post in English about what I'm learning and one post in Portuguese about me or my life using what I've learned every week.

GOAL #2: Read One Story Every Week

I'm thinking of myself as a toddler in terms of trying to learn Portuguese so in terms of reading material and comprehensive practice I've been turning to children's books and media. Eventually, I hope to work my way up to one of the Portuguese newspapers my grandfather brings back from Newark, but for now we'll stick to the basics. Typically I think of my weeks from Monday- Sunday so this goal is to post one story summary before Sunday night every week.

GOAL #3: Learn One Portuguese Song Every Month

I have always loved how unique Portuguese music is and the strange polka vibe it has. One of my all-time favorite memories is from my parents' wedding (and the subsequent VHS) when "Bato Pe" started playing. One of my Portuguese relatives would sandwich themselves between two of my American relatives and teach them the dance. It was an absolute mess, but I feel like that's why I love it so much.

Another thing filed under "Projects I abandoned when things got difficult" was trying to learn to play guitar/ukulele. After listening to some newer Portuguese music and artists I've decided to combine these two life goals and try to translate and learn to perform one Portuguese song before the last day of every month. Again, I'm going to try not to set myself up for failure because I'd be learning two new skills at once, so just in case it takes me a bit longer to get the hang of the string instrument portion of this goal I'm just going to say "perform" for now in hopes that actually having to practice making sounds verbally will help me with my horrific pronunciation .

GOAL #4: Learn How to Cook Dinner Like My Grandma

This is another one of those hybrid life goals. I am a horrible cook. I didn't have an opportunity to learn when I was younger so I don't have any kind of first-hand skill or knowledge. As an adult, I find the thought of actually cooking extremely intimidating and pointless because cooking is anxiety inducing, more expensive, and will most likely taste worse than whatever I can make from a microwave. I am, however, pretty good at baking, making breakfast, and pairing flavors together, thanks to both of my grandmas and my years working as a waitress. So goal #3 is to turn this hot-mess-chef into a housewife, and spend some more time learning from my grandma.

Nailing down a deadline for this goal is tricky because both of my Portuguese grandparents are high-risk individuals in this pandemic. So until I am able to either show my grandma how to use Zoom or get back in the kitchen with her, my goal is to find a traditional Portuguese recipe of some kind and attempt it on my own before the last day of the month.

GOAL #5 Visit Portugal Before My 25th Birthday

I haven't really explored many places off the east coast and my family's definition of a "vacation abroad" is going to a Marriott hotel at a different beach for 5 days and never leaving the resort. I have been begging to go to Portugal with my grandparents for as long as I can remember but it was never the "right time" for my family to go. I've decided its going to happen now.  I want to find something I find interesting about Portugal every week, write about it, and start compiling a list of all the things I want to see and do when I visit. This is another goal that I am modifying at the moment due to the quarantine, but I would ideally like to put away $25 every week towards my visit to Portugal, which unfortunately will have to wait until I start working and get paid again.

THE DREAM:

So there you have it folks, the five goals that I'm setting for myself to help me reach my dream of being able to have a conversation in Portuguese, be more consistent, develop my interest in music, learn to cook, learn more about my family's culture, and finally get to see the country that started it all! 

Wish me luck! 

- - - 

I have to add in a quick shout out to my amazing therapist Kristin. She has been metaphorically dragging me (kicking and screaming I might add) to get me to a point where I can set realistic goals for my future. This type of methodical thinking, breakdown, and reasonable expectation for even one aspect of my life, would have never happened without her expertise and guidance through the past two and a half years. 

A Tale of a Second Generation Portuguese American

Olá e bem-vindo! 

My name is Harley and this is my quarantine experiment turned existential journey:

To give you some background information ...I am a second generation Portuguese American and, for lack of a better phrase, I'm your basic middle-class white girl. I didn't go away to college, I don't know what to do with my life, I can't cook, I don't have any hobbies, I get distracted half-way through every project I start, I'm not religious, I've never really traveled, and I don't speak Portuguese...generally speaking, I'm an utter disgrace to my immigrant grandparents. 

Okay, so that last part was a joke. My paternal grandparents are amazingly kind to me and love me unconditionally and I recognize just how lucky I am to have them in my life. Unfortunately, that wasn't always the case. When I was younger, I wasn't as enthusiastic about being Portuguese or resembling that side of the family. Due to different circumstances regarding family dynamics, my own experiences, and my grandparents' health in the past few years, I have had some real "come-to-Jesus" moments.

Cut to now: We're about four weeks deep into a state-wide quarantine here in New Jersey and thankfully for me I was out of state up until a day ago (still socially distancing, I promise!). My job was forcibly closed indefinitely just after arriving in Florida and I was honestly a bit scared to fly back home because everything was still unclear about what was happening. I didn't really mind though, because I was loving the sunshine's effect on both my seasonal depression symptoms and my skin tone. 

I, like most other 23 year old American girls, find myself getting sucked into the Facebook/Instagram rabbit hole every time I pick up my phone, and then next thing I know, it's been an hour and I've just been scrolling and wasting time. I kept seeing posts, (let's be honest, they were memes) about how "I was just starting to get my life together when corona virus hit", and while it resonated with me I became really frustrated with myself. I was finally getting the "break" I had felt I needed for so long: I had no responsibilities, no deadlines, and everyone I knew was accounted for, fairly healthy, and taking care of themselves. So I stopped making excuses and during that time, with nothing to do and a sleep schedule that was beyond repair, I dove headfirst into a goal I've been putting off for - well,  for 10 years. I decided to finally learn Portuguese.   

I really don't know what I was thinking the day it started or really even what day it was when I started using my neglected language apps on a regular basis, but I know it's been about two weeks. I studied spanish* for a few years and heard choice words and phrases in portuguese here and there, so I wasn't quite starting from scratch, but I definitely have my work cut out for me. 

"So that's great for you but why do I care?"- Well truth be told,  I don't know! Maybe because you've gotten this far, or because my story resonates with you, or maybe you just want to hate-follow me? Which is fine by me, just do me a favor and turn it into a drinking game or something if you are hate-following. Honestly, this is the commitment I'm making to myself to stick with this goal, if nothing else. I'm kind of a flake when it comes to my own accountability and a sucker when it comes to posterity so for Future Harley or anyone else who feels lost during this confusing time, good luck and godspeed.

***For the record: Spanish and Portuguese are as different as they are similar. They are both latin languages so the base of the words are for the most part the same and the grammar/syntax is similar. However, the spelling and pronunciation of the words are very different. This is the aspect of learning Portuguese I'm currently having the most difficulty with separating in my head.